When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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