nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sober January is a disaster.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
