I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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