and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize