YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
