Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
