I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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