well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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