Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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