Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
