2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
