Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
