I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
