She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
