You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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