my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
