i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
