walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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