He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
