are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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