I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
