oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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