How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
