I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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