woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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