if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
