is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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