Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
