I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
