He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
