Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
