Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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