im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
