i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
