"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
