does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
