I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
