My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
