life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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