Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
