Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
