You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
is it fun? or sober?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
