You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
