i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize