hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize