the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
