like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
