I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
