Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
