I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize