i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
