Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
