i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
