I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
