Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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