I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
