I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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