I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
