No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my shit smells like andre
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
