somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
