I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
