He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
