Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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