someone get that fucking seahorse.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
