Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
