he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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