You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
