apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
