I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
