Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
