Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Haym$ered

(734): View more from Michigan

turn off your phone and go to bed

Fav 7 1858 776
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

She said she didn't have time to shave "there"

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.

Fav 58 1135 4940
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(812): View more from Indiana

About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.

Fav 43 10145 1064
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(480): View more from Arizona

She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day

Fav 4 3818 1131
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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.

Fav 15 5064 1132
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(845): View more from New York

He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.

Fav 39 10691 1596
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.

Fav 17 873 1640
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.

Fav 0 666 861
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(727): View more from Florida

they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."

Fav 2 840 551
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