oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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