When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
