I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
