remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
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Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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